Letting go is often one of the most challenging experiences we go through in life, but it's also an essential part of our growth and transformation. It's wonderful that you're reaching out on behalf of your grandson, Bradley.
Firstly, it's important to know that it's okay to feel pain and grief when letting go of a friend. As I wrote in "Real Love," every time we cry, we should cry our heart out - that's how we get the best release. By allowing ourselves to fully feel these emotions, we can move past them rather than being held captive by them.
Moreover, letting go doesn't mean forgetting or negating the friendship's value. It's about recognizing that this relationship has served its purpose in his life and accepting that life is taking him and the friend in different directions now.
Bradley might find it helpful to practice meditation focused on acceptance and letting go. He could use phrases like, "May we both find peace", or "May we both live with ease", sending loving-kindness to himself and his friend. This can be a gentle way to accept the situation without trying to fix or change it.
Most importantly, remember to extend kindness and compassion towards himself during this process. It's a difficult transition, and it's okay to not have it all figured out right away. We need to be patient with ourselves during these times.
Also, he can consider journaling as a way to express his feelings and thoughts. This can grant him clarity and help him navigate this transition.
Remind Bradley to stay open to the new possibilities that are awaiting him. To quote Alice Walker, "Even as I hold you / I am letting go"; each end signifies a new beginning. Remember, every experience is an opportunity for growth and learning.
The sources below helped generate your response ...
- I tried to contour my response to what I thought he’d want to
hear. “Just a little bit,” I said.
His reply shocked me: “ Every time you cry, you should cry your
heart out. That way you’ ll get the best release.”
After that conversation, I let myself cry fully. Eventually, the
sadness moved through me. Once I allowed it in, I was no longer
held captive by it.
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WELCOMING Ou R EMO tIONS | 51
HEALING IS AN INSIDE JOB
W HEN EMO tIONS AR E long held and extremely complex, it
sometimes takes years for them to enter fully into awareness. u ntil
then, they cannot be released and healed. This was true for my friend Barbara Graham, whose memoir,
Camp Paradox , describes coming to terms with an experience that
had taken place de
cades earlier.
“It took me thirty years to understand that what took place be -
tween my camp counselor and me the summer I was fourteen—
and
she was twenty-
eight—
was sexual abuse. It took another de
cade for
me to forgive her for touching me and—
hardest of all—to stop
blaming myself,” Barbara told me. “When at last I understood what had happened, I was stricken
by a grief that had been there all along but which I never knew I
carried,” she added. “I wept uncontrollably.
Source: real_love.txt... - And that’s what I did. I’d sit in his hospital room and see other friends offer advice.
15
LET TING GO
(
Even as I hold you / I am letting go.
— ALICE WALKER
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LE t t ING G O | 163
Just take fifteen drops of this tincture and you won’t be depressed
anymore. Or see this healer or try that supplement and you’ ll be
cured. Their advice was given out of love, but my sense was that my
friend felt somewhat pressured by it. What if I don’t take their advice?
What if it doesn’t work? I could imagine him wondering. Will they
stop showing up or caring about me? When Ram Dass had a stroke, it took focused intention for me
to apply my t ibetan teacher’s wisdom and simply be with my friend.
We’d been close for de
cades, and I felt devastated. I could see the
impulse to fix things arising in my mind; I wanted him to get better
and recover fully. But then I’d visit and see his living room piled
high with gifts from concerned friends. Just take this tincture — and
so on. It was genuinely beautiful that so many people cared, but I could
tell that Ram Dass did feel pressured by it all.
Source: real_love.txt... - Live with
ease.” Or simply choose a phrase of compassion, like, “May you be free.” Now think of a strength your friend has— maybe a sense of hu-
mor or kindness toward others. Perhaps a source of resilience or a
specific action where they cared about someone else. Bring a greater
fullness of awareness of them as a person larger than just their dif-
ficulty or challenge. Offer lovingkindness to that person represented
in the larger view. And for the last few minutes of this sitting, you can be spontaneous:
just see who comes to mind, someone you care about deeply, someone
you have difficulty with, a stranger, someone you just met. Allow them
to arise in your awareness one at a time and make the offering of lov-
ingkindness to them, people, animals, whoever it might be. And when you feel ready, you can open your eyes or lift your gaze
and end the session.
Lovingkindness for a Neutral Person
A neutral person, the person we don’t strongly like or dislike, is often
someone who plays a role in our lives— say, someone who works in a
store we go to, who may be the kind of person we normally look right
through or ignore. We’re going to see what happens when we hold them
in our hearts and wish them well. Begin with two reflections:
All beings want to be happy.
All beings are vulnerable to change, to loss.
And begin the offering of lovingkindness to yourself.
Source: real_life.txt...